do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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