I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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