just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize