some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
