I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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