Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
