I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
