Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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