At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I think we might need a safe word for this...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
