the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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