This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
