Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
