its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize