:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
