You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
