chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
