Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
