I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize