3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
