oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I want a musical about memes.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
