There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
