it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
