you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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