you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Randomize
