I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
the day after is always just damage control
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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