Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
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