your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
