carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
