my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
