Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
