I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
