just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
