i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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