Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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