there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
