Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
