They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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