theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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