his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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