Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
