You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
