My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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