She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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