well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
