Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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