i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize