pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
