you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize