You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
