Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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