I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
