So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize