I wanna bring you to show and tell
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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