If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
