so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
