I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize