pop tarts are not kleenex
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
