I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
