Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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