we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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