he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
