i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
