Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
