We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Randomize
