Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
