I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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