I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
