"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
