If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I don't deserve a penis
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
