peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
